Open talk, a child’s puberty, and peer relations, with studies from 2009 and 2012

The most important point in parent-child communication, the writer thinks, is open and mutually respectful conversation. When a parent listens to a child’s opinions and feelings, and expresses their own thoughts clearly and honestly, that open form of communication helps mutual understanding and the building of trust. From a military and police psychological point of view, communication is the most basic of human relations and of the forming of trust. For a parent to build trust with a child, communication has to be mutual, not one-way. It matters to empathize with the child’s feelings, to convey the parent’s own thoughts honestly, and to have an attitude of trying to solve a problem together. Conversation that blames or tries to cajole can lower a child’s autonomy and self-esteem, and should be avoided. Kim Hyeon-ju, in Kongnamul Newspaper on 15 October 2021, is cited on three efficient methods of talking with a child; making an environment in which opinions can be shared freely is, the writer thinks, core to raising the quality of the relation. Practical methods named are listening, an “I-message” — the extract’s typo is treated here as that phrase in context — and a no-lose method. Listening takes in the other’s words with the heart and forms trust. An I-message conveys one’s own feelings instead of blame. A no-lose method finds, through compromise, a solution both can be satisfied with, and can raise cooperation and the ability to solve problems. Shin Jae-ho, “A father’s role is important in a child’s puberty,” Channel YES, is also named. Stress management and resilience matter, and communication should also strengthen this psychological recovery. When a child says “I’m irritated, I don’t want to talk,” the most important thing is to acknowledge the feeling and try to understand the situation, first giving room to express it comfortably rather than trying at once to resolve the irritation. In an emotionally sensitive state, a coercive conversation or the proposing of a solution can worsen the relation. The parent may say, calmly, “You seem in a bad mood now. If you don’t want to talk, I’ll wait a little. You can talk later, when you’re ready.” The child then feels respected, and a later conversation can open. It also matters not to blame or nag while waiting for the child to calm.

Puberty is a period of forming an identity and pursuing independence, when children want independence from their parents and at the same time come to rely greatly on peers; sexual curiosity increases, and experience related to dating takes on important meaning. Park Seon-rye, a 2009 master’s thesis at Dong-eui University graduate school, in Busan, on the effect of a parent sex-education program for adolescent children, is cited as pointing out that adolescents are more likely to encounter pornography or a distorted sexual culture, which can hinder the forming of proper sexual values, and as noting that dating, without appropriate guidance, can lead to an unreasonable relation or impulsive behavior. Modern adolescents, easily exposed to pornography through the internet and mass media, are placed at risk that this experience will have a negative effect on sexual attitude and behavior. Open communication plays a part in preventing this. A parent should help a child explore sexual curiosity naturally, while leading it in a healthy and responsible direction, acting as a supporter, not an interferer, avoiding excessive control or neglect. Sulking or irritation should not simply be passed over as a common symptom of puberty. Changes — talking less, staying only in one’s room, change in friendships — should not be treated as mere rebellion. If a child has been exposed to pornography or is having difficulty with friends, one should not scold blindly, but try through conversation to understand the root of the problem. In a military or police family, frequent moves or a parent’s absence can make a child feel anxious, so consistent love and support is desirable. Peer relations are relations formed as people of similar age, interest, and maturity interact, and play a large part in an adolescent’s social and emotional development. Self-resilience, the ability to overcome stress and raise social adaptability, is very important in those relations. Lee Nan-yeong, a 2012 master’s thesis at Konyang University, in South Chungcheong, on the relation of parent-child communication and self-resilience as perceived by the child with peer relations, is cited: an adolescent with high self-resilience can adapt better and manage stress effectively; when it is low, difficulty in peer relations can have a negative effect on school life. When a child talks about a conflict in a friendship, rather than immediately offering advice meant to solve the problem, the parent should encourage the child to express feelings — “Can you tell me in detail what point was hard for you?” A parent should not judge peer relations negatively or force them, but respect them. A military or police parent should, through high-quality interaction, maintain a sense of emotional connection even when absent.

A child with a disability, dual-income and single-parent homes, and figures from 2021 and 2024

A child with a disability often shows a marked difference in psychological and behavioral characteristics, and internalized and externalized behavior often appear as main problems. Internalized behavior reflects inner problems such as anxiety, depression, and social withdrawal; externalized behavior includes anger, aggression, and impulsivity. These behaviors are influenced largely not so much by innate traits as by environmental factors and the relation with the parents. Kim Tae-im, a 2024 doctoral thesis at the Catholic Kwandong University graduate school of social welfare, in Gangwon Special Self-Governing Province, on a structural analysis of the effect of parents’ parenting attitude on internalized and externalized behavior of children with physical disabilities, is cited as confirming that as a rejecting or controlling attitude rises, internalized and externalized behavior deepens, and that problem behavior is deeply tied to interaction with the parents and the home environment, and tends to worsen when independence and initiative are suppressed. A rejecting attitude causes a lack of emotional support and a high possibility that problem behavior will increase. A controlling attitude limits autonomy and can lead to lowered self-esteem and psychological withdrawal. According to the research, a rejecting attitude has a greater effect on problem behavior than a controlling attitude. Both increase problem behavior directly, and also indirectly through the mediating factor of unintentional control — difficulty in self-regulation. A consistent and supportive attitude should therefore go toward easing problem behavior. From a military and police psychological point of view, a parent raising a child with a disability needs high psychological recovery and flexibility, because such a parent experiences considerable stress. An approach that applies coping with stress and the principles of resilience can be effective; because parenting stress directly affects the child’s state and behavior, a program that can strengthen stress management and self-efficacy should, the writer thinks, be included in a parent-education course. Positive parenting techniques a parent can use daily are also very important, and a family-centered approach similar to the team-centered support systems used in military and police psychology can support this, so that the whole family can understand the child’s characteristics and support one another.

A dual-income family is a family in which both spouses have jobs and create income, a new form adapted to present economic reality, unlike a traditional structure in which one spouse was responsible for livelihood. Lee Ji-hun, Asia Today, 12 December 2022, is cited under a heading that newlywed couples’ income rose with dual incomes, but debt piled up more and getting a home of their own is also hard. One problem of dual-income couples is childcare. In an earlier rural society, when three generations lived together, childcare was a shared family task; but with urbanization and industrialization, family structure and the family cycle changed, and childcare became solely the role of mother and father. Young people leave their hometowns for work and live in cities, so most dual-income couples live far from parents who could watch the children. Both go to work early and come home in the evening, and worry does not end even when a child enters elementary school. Around the writer, in kindergarten there was a system that would watch until quitting time if one paid, but elementary school lets children out earlier, and after that one has to send the child to a private academy or find individual care. If a child comes home after only lunch at elementary school, it is midday — who will look after these children? The government has put out various policies, but the reality is that they are not enough. A single-parent family is a form in which, for reasons such as divorce, bereavement, or being unmarried, one parent raises the child. One person must take on both the parent’s role and the burden of livelihood, and there are difficulties in livelihood, childrearing, and emotional stability. A single parent’s low education and a lack of jobs lead to economic difficulty for the whole family. In the 2021 Single-Parent Family Survey, single parents’ experience of vocational training was only 6.2 percent, and the largest reason was a shortage of time, at 31.2 percent. A 18 November 2024 The Fact News account is cited as showing that the burden of childrearing is limiting opportunities for vocational training or study. The government, the essay says, prepared policy support through a revision bill of the Single-Parent Family Support Act — information, fact-finding surveys, legal support, home-visit services — and academic support and job placement for adolescent single parents, and the linking of welfare services at birth registration, are evaluated as important progress. The same Korean report, at fuller length, is on CampusDown.

Sources

1. The most important point in parent-child communication, the writer thinks, is open and mutually respectful conversation. When a parent listens to a child’s opinions and feelings, and expresses their own thoughts clearly and honestly, open communication is effective in helping mutual understanding and in building trust. Conversely, conversation in a manner that blames or tries to cajole can lower a child’s autonomy and self-esteem, and should be avoided. Kim Hyeon-ju, a member, Kongnamul Newspaper, 15 October 2021, “Three efficient methods of communication with a child.” Making an environment in which opinions can be shared freely is, the writer thinks, core to raising the quality of the relation between parent and child. From a military and police psychological point of view, communication is the most basic of human relations and of the forming of trust. For a parent to build trust in the relation with a child, communication has to be mutual, not one-way. It matters to empathize with the child’s feelings, to convey the parent’s own thoughts honestly, and to have an attitude of trying to solve a problem together. Practical methods of conversation such as listening, an “I-message” — the extract writes “I-massage,” treated here as I-message in context — and a no-lose method will be effective. Listening forms trust through an attitude of taking in the other’s words with the heart, and an I-message changes the relation with the child in a positive direction by conveying one’s own feelings instead of blame. Also, a no-lose method can raise cooperation and the ability to solve problems through a process of compromise that finds a solution both parent and child can be satisfied with. Shin Jae-ho, “A father’s role is important in a child’s puberty,” Channel YES. Stress management and resilience matter, and communication between parent and child should also, the writer thinks, be carried out in a direction that strengthens this psychological recovery. When a child expresses “I’m irritated, I don’t want to talk,” the most important thing is to show an attitude of acknowledging the child’s feelings and trying to understand that situation. At this time, rather than trying to resolve the irritation and discomfort the child feels, one first gives room so that the child can comfortably express their own feelings. In a state in which the child is emotionally sensitive, attempting a coercive conversation or proposing a solution can rather worsen the relation. In this situation it is effective for the parent to accept the child’s feelings calmly and to use an empathic expression. For example, one can say, “You seem in a bad mood now. If you don’t want to talk, I’ll wait a little. You can talk later, when you’re ready.” If one does this, the child comes to feel that their own feelings are being respected, and a possibility of later conversation can open. Also, it matters to leave time until the child calms, and to maintain an attitude of not blaming or nagging. Puberty is a period of forming an identity and pursuing independence, and children come to want independence from their parents and at the same time to rely greatly on relations with peers. Also, sexual curiosity and interest increase, and it is a point at which experience related to dating comes to have important meaning. One paper pointed out that adolescent young people are more likely to encounter pornography or to experience a distorted sexual culture, and warned that such an environment can hinder the forming of proper sexual values. Park Seon-rye, “Effect analysis of a parent sex-education program for adolescent children,” domestic master’s thesis, Dong-eui University graduate school, 2009, Busan. Also, it mentioned that dating is a social experience for an adolescent child, but that without appropriate guidance there is a possibility it will lead to an unreasonable relation or impulsive behavior. Modern adolescents, who can easily be exposed to pornography through the internet and mass media, are placed at risk that this experience will have a negative effect on sexual attitude and behavior. Open communication between parent and child plays a role in preventing this problem. A parent should play a role of helping a child explore sexual curiosity naturally, while leading it in a healthy and responsible direction. Puberty is a period that becomes an important turning point for both child and parent, because this period is a process in which the child experiences rapid physical, emotional, and social change and looks for their own identity. A parent should understand, in this process, the fact that the child, while pursuing independence, still needs the parent’s support and love. Park Seon-rye, 2009, as above. Therefore a parent should play a role as a supporter, not as interference. It is important to avoid excessive control or neglect of the child, and to provide an environment in which the child can freely unburden their own feelings and worries. A parent should practice active listening and empathy in communication with the child. For example, a situation in which a child suffers alone or shows irritation should not simply be passed over as a common symptom of puberty, and the child should be led so that they can express their own state for themselves. This makes the child recognize the parent not merely as an interfering or uncomfortable presence, but as a sturdy support who will support and understand them. Such a relation allows the child, even in a hard situation, to trust the parent and to ask for help, and allows the advice and support the parent provides to be received more effectively. A parent should also observe carefully the changes the child is going through, because an adolescent child can often show various signals, such as talking less, staying only in their own room, and change arising also in relations with friends. These signals should not be treated as mere rebellion, but should be seen as clues by which the parent should grasp the child’s state and respond appropriately. As one case, if a child has been exposed to pornography or is having difficulty in relations with friends, one should go on making an effort, rather than scolding blindly, to understand the root cause of the problem through conversation. From a military and police psychological point of view, the writer thinks a parent should support both a child’s emotional stability and autonomy at the same time. Psychological change a child goes through in the confusion of puberty can be eased through a parent’s careful attention and open conversation. A parent should acknowledge and empathize with the child’s feelings, and, while avoiding excessive control or neglect, should play a role as a supporter so that the child can raise the capacity to solve problems for themselves. In the case of a military or police family, because a child can feel anxiety due to frequent moves or a parent’s absence, it will be desirable to express consistent love and support. A parent should become a sturdy support for the child and should, the writer thinks, help the child establish their own identity healthily and grow independently. Peer relations mean relations formed as people with similar age, interest, and level of maturity interact. A peer group promotes interaction among members through common interests and rules of behavior, and plays a large role in social and emotional development in adolescence. Also, adolescence is a period of attempting independence from parents, in which relations with peers become central. An adolescent child feels a sense of sameness from peers in a similar situation and obtains psychological stability. Such peer relations affect the forming of an adolescent’s sense of identity and the process of socialization, and help in learning social norms and behavior, in understanding oneself, and in forming values. Self-resilience is an individual’s ability to overcome stress and raise social adaptability, and is very important in peer relations. Self-resilience maintains an optimistic and positive attitude, and allows one to exercise high insight and communication ability in interpersonal relations. These characteristics have a positive effect on the forming and maintaining of peer relations. According to research, an adolescent with high self-resilience can adapt better in peer relations and can manage stress effectively. Conversely, when self-resilience is low, one can have difficulty in peer relations, and this can have a negative effect on school life overall. Self-resilience raises the ability to resolve conflicts or problems in peer relations, and is very important in forming and maintaining a positive relation. Lee Nan-yeong, “The relationship of parent-child communication and self-resilience as perceived by children with peer relations,” domestic master’s thesis, Konyang University, 2012, South Chungcheong. Therefore a parent should talk regularly with the child and should respect the child’s thoughts and feelings. For example, when a child talks about a conflict in a friendship, rather than immediately providing advice meant to solve the problem, the parent should encourage the child to express feelings for themselves. A question such as “Can you tell me in detail what point was hard for you?” will be a good way of helping the child analyze the problem for themselves and regulate their feelings. Such a conversation gives the child a sense of psychological stability, and raises the ability to resolve better the conflicts that arise in peer relations. A parent should have an attitude of respect, without judging the child’s peer relations negatively or forcing them. From a military and police counseling point of view, a parent’s role for the child will be effective if centered on emotional stability and open communication. Psychologically, the parent’s self-resilience is core, and when a parent manages stress well and maintains a positive attitude, they also provide a sense of stability to the child. A parent should empathize with and listen to the child’s thoughts and feelings, and should build trust through open conversation. Also, it is important to respect and support the child’s peer relations and to help them raise social competence. A military or police parent should, through high-quality interaction with the child, maintain a sense of emotional connection even when absent, and should support the child in forming a healthy sense of identity. A child with a disability shows a marked difference in psychological and behavioral characteristics, and internalized and externalized behavior often appear as main problems. Internalized behavior reflects inner psychological problems such as anxiety, depression, and social withdrawal, and externalized behavior includes problems that show outwardly, such as anger, aggression, and impulsivity. These behaviors are influenced largely not so much by innate characteristics as by contextual factors such as environmental factors and the relation with the parents. In research it was confirmed that as a parent’s rejecting or controlling parenting attitude rises, the child’s internalized and externalized behavior deepens. This is that the problem behavior of a child with a disability is deeply tied not simply to an isolated temperamental factor but to interaction with the parents and the home environment. Also, a child with a disability’s behavioral problems have a tendency to worsen further when the child’s independence and initiative are suppressed, so a more positive and flexible parenting approach should be taken. Kim Tae-im, “Structural analysis of the effect of parents’ parenting attitude on internalized and externalized behavior of children with physical disabilities,” domestic doctoral thesis, Catholic Kwandong University graduate school of social welfare, 2024, Gangwon Special Self-Governing Province. A parent’s parenting attitude is core to the psychological stability and behavioral characteristics of a child with a disability. A rejecting attitude causes a lack of emotional support in the child, and there is a high possibility that problem behavior will increase because of this. A controlling attitude limits the child’s autonomy, and can bring about lowered self-esteem and psychological withdrawal. According to the research, it appeared that a parent’s rejecting attitude has a greater effect on problem behavior than a controlling attitude. It matters in that a parent’s negative attitude further aggravates the child’s psychological characteristic of unintentional control, that is, difficulty in self-regulation. A parent’s rejecting attitude and controlling attitude both increase problem behavior directly, and at the same time also have an effect indirectly through the mediating factor of unintentional control. Therefore, maintaining a consistent and supportive attitude in the course of parenting should go toward easing problem behavior. Seen from a military and police psychological point of view, the writer thinks a parent raising a child with a disability should have high psychological recovery and flexibility. This is judged to be because a parent with a child with a disability experiences considerable psychological stress in the course of raising the child. Therefore an approach that applies the ability to cope with stress and the principles of resilience can, the writer thinks, be effective in this situation. In that a parent’s parenting stress directly affects the child’s psychological state and behavior, a program that can strengthen stress management and self-efficacy should, the writer thinks, be included in a parent-education course. Also, positive parenting techniques a parent can use in daily life are, the writer thinks, very important for reducing the problem behavior of a child with a disability. A family-centered approach similar to the team-centered support systems used in military and police psychology can, the writer judges, support this. This approach is thought to be an effective method by which not only the parent but the whole family can understand the characteristics of the child with a disability and can arrange a system of supporting one another. A dual-income family means a family in which both spouses have jobs, engage in economic activity, and create income. Unlike a traditional family structure in the past in which one spouse was responsible for livelihood, it is a new family form adapted to present economic reality. “Newlywed couples’ income rose with dual incomes, but debt piled up more and getting a home of their own is also hard,” Asia Today, Lee Ji-hun, reporter, 12 December 2022. One of the problems of dual-income couples is the problem of childcare. In an earlier time in our rural society, when three generations lived together, childcare was a shared task of the family. But as family structure changed with urbanization and industrialization, and the family cycle also changed, childcare became solely the role of mother and father alone. Also, because young people leave their hometowns in search of work and live alone in cities, most couples who have dual incomes live far from parents who would watch the children. Dual-income couples go to work early in the morning and both come home in the evening, so even after a child enters elementary school the worry has no end. Looking around, in kindergarten there was a system that would watch until quitting time if one paid a cost, but elementary school lets children out earlier than kindergarten, and after that, it is said, one has to send the child separately to a private academy or find a way to look after the child individually. If at elementary school one only eats lunch and comes home, it is broad daylight — who will look after these children? In order to solve this problem, which dual-income couples in our country all go through, the government has put out various policies, but the reality is that they are not enough. A single-parent family means a form of family in which, for reasons such as divorce, bereavement, or being unmarried, one of the parents raises the child. This family must have one person take on the parent’s role and the burden of livelihood at the same time, and goes through many difficulties in the raising and education of the child. A single-parent family goes through various problems in livelihood, childrearing, emotional stability, and the like. The problem of a single parent’s low education and a lack of jobs leads to economic difficulty for the whole family. According to the 2021 Single-Parent Family Survey, single parents’ experience of vocational training was only 6.2 percent, and the largest reason appeared as a shortage of time (31.2 percent). “So that there will be no case of being unable to receive a welfare benefit from not knowing… support for adolescent single parents ‘attracts attention,’” The Fact News, 18 November 2024. This shows that the burden of childrearing is limiting opportunities for vocational training or study. The government, in order to solve this, prepared policy support measures such as the provision of information, fact-finding surveys, legal support, and home-visit services through a revision bill of the Single-Parent Family Support Act. Academic support and job placement for adolescent single parents, support linking welfare services at birth registration, and the like, are being evaluated as important progress for solving the problems of single-parent families.

Last updated: 14 November 2026