— Overview
This page follows one author’s self-assessment, as the author reports it. No real full names are used. On Lee’s six love styles — Eros, Storge, Ludus, Mania, Agape, and Pragma — the author’s highest average is 3.25, on Agape: an altruistic style, with sacrifice, without a reward, and without jealousy, as the account describes it. On Sternberg’s triangle of intimacy, passion, and commitment, which yields eight kinds of love, the author places in companionate love: intimacy and commitment together, with passion somewhat faded, in long-term relationships. On Bartholomew and Horowitz’s two questions — whether the self is worthy of love and support, and whether the other is trustworthy and reliable — the author reads as fearful-avoidant: wanting closeness, finding it hard to trust fully, and worrying about being hurt. In Eric Berne’s transactional analysis, among five ego states, the author places in Critical Parent: high ideals, a conscientious habit, a strong sense of justice, and also a habit of criticizing easily and a strong prejudice.
Under rejection stress, in Satir’s stances — placating, blaming, super-reasonable, irrelevant, and congruent — the author places in placating: putting the other’s feelings first, controlling one’s own, and falling silent in conflict. The author traces those patterns to a dual-income household, being left with grandparents before the age of two, little chance at a stable early attachment, and a habit, in brief evening meetings, of acting by others’ views in order to win praise. At seventeen, a friend the author relied on, after a small quarrel, criticized the author; the account names that as a trauma, and then a cycle of anxiety in later relationships. Plans stay modest: not generalizing from one person, recovering trust, and practicing a sentence that states an opinion while leaving room for the other’s view.
— Contents and key concepts
Scores the author reports
The page is one person’s self-assessment, as the author writes it. No real full names are used. Lee, a Canadian psychologist in the account’s wording, is cited for six love styles: Eros, Storge, Ludus, Mania, Agape, and Pragma. The author’s highest average is 3.25, on Agape. That style is described as altruistic, with sacrifice, without a reward, and without jealousy. The figure is the author’s own average in this account. It is not turned into a later official score.
Sternberg, at Yale in the account’s wording, is cited for a triangle of intimacy, passion, and commitment, which yields eight kinds of love. The author places in companionate love: intimacy and commitment together, with passion somewhat faded, in long-term relationships. Bartholomew and Horowitz are cited for two representations: whether the self is worthy of love and support, and whether the other is trustworthy and reliable, which yield four types. The author reads as fearful-avoidant: wanting closeness, finding it hard to trust fully, and worrying about being hurt.
A habit under stress, and modest plans
Eric Berne’s transactional analysis is cited for five ego states. The author places in Critical Parent: high ideals, a conscientious habit, a strong sense of justice, and also a habit of criticizing easily and a strong prejudice. Under rejection stress, Satir’s stances are named — placating, blaming, super-reasonable, irrelevant, and congruent. The author places in placating: putting the other’s feelings first, controlling one’s own feelings, and falling silent in conflict.
The author traces those patterns to a dual-income household, being left with grandparents before the age of two, and little chance at a stable early attachment. In brief evening meetings with parents, the author tried to win praise, and formed a habit of acting by others’ views. At seventeen, a friend the author relied on, after a small quarrel, criticized the author. The account names that as a trauma, and then a cycle of anxiety in later relationships. Plans stay modest, and are left as plans: not generalizing from one person — the author names a fallacy of generalization — recovering trust, and practicing a sentence of the form “I think this, but your view is better in this respect.” No later measured change is added.
Sources
- one author’s self-assessment of love styles and attachment, reporting a highest average on Lee’s Agape, a place in Sternberg’s companionate love, and a fearful-avoidant reading in Bartholomew and Horowitz, with a Critical Parent ego state and a placating stance under stress, and modest plans.
Last updated: 14 November 2026
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