Why conflict, and five ways of meeting it

Human beings are social beings, the writer says, and they grow, learn, and gather experience through relations with other people. Conflict in those relations is an unavoidable fact; it can also be a chance that spurs the development of a person or a group, that lets a relation be reset, and that produces a new solution or a creative idea. In modern society, the study of conflict is active in psychology, in management, and in education. The way a person meets a conflict can differ with personality, with the situation, and with the type of relation, and to understand that is an important part of understanding oneself and of improving relations with others. These notes come from a course called Ask Psychology, and from a lesson in the textbook, lecture 13, on “My conflict style,” which the writer takes as an important measure for learning this.

Conflict, the notes say, is an interactive phenomenon that arises inevitably in human relations when the goals, values, or interests of persons or groups collide. Daily life brings it often, among friends, family, colleagues, and superiors, and if it is not met well a relation can worsen and psychological stress can rise. Effective management, the writer asks, should not be simply avoiding a problem or pushing it down, but a process of understanding the nature of the conflict and applying a fitting strategy. Psychology and management, the notes say, understand conflict in structural, process, and functional aspects, and offer various strategies for managing and settling it.

Coping styles are generally classed as avoiding, competing, compromising, collaborating, and accommodating, also called a complying type. Avoiding evades a conflict or ignores the problem, and so keeps a short-term peace, but there is a risk that the conflict will pile up over time. Competing asserts one’s own opinion or position strongly and tends to ignore the other’s, so a decision can be made quickly, but the relation may worsen. Compromising takes a path of mutual yielding and meeting in the middle, and can mediate a conflict, but a complete solution or full satisfaction is sometimes hard to reach. Collaborating tries to understand each side’s position fully and to work together toward a solution, and is positive not only for settling the conflict but also for strengthening the relation. Accommodating puts the other’s position first and yields one’s own demands, which can buy a short-term peace, but may limit a person’s own, self-directed capacity to solve a problem.

A flexible use of types, and the writer’s own pattern

The textbook and the lectures, the writer says, stress that these types should be applied flexibly to the context of a situation and a relation. It is more effective to consider together the type and seriousness of the conflict, the relation with the other person, and a person’s own traits of character, and to combine strategies to fit the situation, rather than clinging to a single type. The core, the writer takes it, is the ability to recognize one’s own tendency in a conflict, to understand the other person’s response and needs, and to choose a fitting reply.

In their own life the writer has met conflicts in various relations, and has naturally formed a pattern of their own. When a disagreement arises with a friend, an avoiding and a compromising tendency often appear together at first. An early emotional response is avoided, the situation is watched, and some yielding is chosen if needed to ease the conflict. This can stabilize the relation in the short term, but there have also been times when the root cause was left unsolved and the conflict repeated. In formal settings, on the other hand, such as work or study, a collaborating approach is tried more actively: the other person’s view is heard fully, the writer’s own position is stated clearly, and a joint solution is sought on the basis of mutual understanding. That collaborating strategy has had a positive effect not only on settling the conflict but also on strengthening the relation, but it takes a good deal of time and needs the other person’s cooperation, and that is a limit.

Looking at the pattern, the writer finds a habit of choosing a strategy flexibly according to the situation and the relation. One trouble, though, is a tendency to fall back on avoiding when the emotional burden is heavy, so that a self-protective attitude of evading the conflict, rather than meeting it actively, sometimes appears. From this the writer came to see how important it is, in a conflict, to recognize one’s own tendency, to manage feeling, and to choose a strategy that will work over the long term. The experience, the writer says, shows that settling a conflict is not simply a matter of technique or strategy, but a complex process in which self-understanding, the regulation of feeling, an understanding of the relation, and a judgment of the situation work together.

What the course leaves, and books dated 2020 to 2025

The experience of analyzing one’s own strengths and limits in the course of settling a conflict is itself, the writer came to see, central to growing a more mature and effective capacity to respond in later relations. Conflict is not treated here as a mere problem or obstacle, but as a chance for self-understanding, for better relations, and for a mature social exchange. Applying academic knowledge to lived experience, and looking at oneself to analyze strengths and limits, is itself a help to educational and psychological growth. Going forward, the writer intends not to lean only on short-term comfort, but to choose a strategy from the standpoint of a long-term relation and of self-growth, and to exercise more actively the ability to coordinate feeling and situation.

Among the sources the notes list Ha Hye-suk and others, 2020, Ask Psychology, Korea National Open University Press; Park Ju-yong, 2021, Introduction to Psychology, Seoul National University Press; Kang Jin-ryeong, 2022, Introduction to Psychology, Mind Forum; and Jeong Nam-gi, 2025, a practical guidebook on conflict management, a guide for actual use by individuals and organizations, published by Jinhan M&B. Those years stay in 2020, 2021, 2022 and 2025 as the publication years of those books, not as years of data. The same Korean essay, at fuller length, is on CampusDown.

Sources

1. A student’s notes from a course called Ask Psychology, and from lecture 13 in the textbook, on “My conflict style.”
2. Five coping styles — avoiding, competing, compromising, collaborating, and accommodating — and the writer’s own pattern with friends, in formal settings, and under a heavy emotional burden.
3. Listed references dated 2020, 2021, 2022 and 2025, left as the publication years of those books, not as years of data.

Last updated: 14 November 2026